Guest post: Halloween shopping is AWESOME

Not to be outdone by her big brother, my lovely daughter has decided to join the blogging universe. All exclamation marks used in this post are organic, free-range, and humanely harvested. Enjoy!

A couple days ago I went to the local costume shop to find a costume. My friend was going to meet me outside the store but my younger brother decided he wanted to be a Storm Trooper from Star Wars and we had to look at the costume now. (Brothers, am I right?) So we asked the very obviously bored store-guy to bring the costume to us.

Just as he brought it my brother decided he didn’t want to be a Storm Trooper because the costume didn’t come with a light saber. Just then my friend came up, and one thing you should know about this friend is she takes her shopping seriously!

So she was trying to decide two costumes to try on, and decided to help me find mine. I came in looking to be something candy-like. We didn’t find any super cute ones, but we found 6 other ones! So I spent half an hour trying them on then, decided I didn’t want any of them. I wanted a completely different one, a Mad Hatter costume.

The first one I tried on the zipper was busted.  Then I finally found one with a working zipper. Naturally, once I put it on I had to find a matching wig!  The first pink one was a COMPLETELY different shade of pink. The second one was red. Finally, I found a color I liked, RAINBOW!

Then, I realized I wanted a boa, so I tried on 16 boas, a blue one, a purple one, orange, green, red, pink, rainbow, yellow, maroon, indigo, neon green, neon pink, glow in the dark, magenta, periwinkle, and black. It turns out the whole time my brother was whining and complaining about how he wasn’t feeling well. Whoops. After I tried on all 16 boas I decided none of them matched well enough with my outfit, but I bought one anyway!

In my head I thought that I would put it on my dog, this is what I figured he would look like:

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Then I realized two things. First, he is not a Chihuahua, and second, he is FAT  slightly chubby.

But this is the first costume I tried on:

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: I loved it… until, I remembered I wore it 2 years ago. That would be so embarrassing to be seen in a costume from TWO YEARS ago! Finally, the last costume I tried on:

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It was perfect! Then I remembered the fact that my little brother was not feeling good. Again, whoops. All though, thankfully it turned out he was just hungry. I was very glad, because I did not want him vomiting all over my new costume. Then we bought MEGA M&Ms!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YUM!

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Keep celebrating Halloween! Remember, FREE CANDY I mean, ummm… oh, fun and dressing up! Thanks for reading my post, and I hope you enjoyed a look into a 5th grader’s mind around Halloween!

Funny share: Taking back Halloween

Great PG-13 post from Marnie over at Scary Mommy:

Remember the good old days? The days before social media made everyone a life expert and a craft genius? Like the wonderful lazy days before Pinterest ruined our lives? People weren’t making spooky fingers out of carrots and hummus. They weren’t making pumpkins out of f*cking clementines and celery sticks. And they sure as shit weren’t crafting “boo-riffic” goddamned bananas! And that skeleton you crafted out of veggies? Don’t make me tell you where you can shove that.

Read the rest.

There’s no prep class for life

When I’m trying to procrastinate I do what a lot of people do and that’s browse Reddit. There’s a thread where various teenagers are posting what is the biggest current problem they are facing, and adults are responding with why it’s not a big deal. As I read it, I was struck by the feeling that these anxious, stressed-out kids are doing exactly what we told them to do.

Cures for the common ennui

Here at Nostrikethat Industries, we are focused on solutions, not problems. Also, wine in a box. We focus on that a lot.

The cheaper, the better.
The cheaper, the better.

Because this is the Internet, I get to be an expert despite the lack of any formal training, aptitude, or even real intelligence.

By the way kids, that was lesson 1.

Here are my recommendations for the teens of today.

Go sell something for a living

Cures: anxiety. Also treats (but does not cure) “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up” syndrome.

One time I bought vinyl siding for my house because I really liked the door to door sales guy that showed up and I was afraid to say no. He even had that little kit where he poured the water through the vinyl beads and everything! I’m not sure I remember what that was supposed to prove, but it was impressive at the time. It turned out we could neither afford vinyl siding, nor did we really need it so through a little loophole called “both homeowners needed to sign the contract” we escaped sans siding.

Years later, I somewhat accidentally found myself in technology sales. I learned a lot, mostly about how hard it is to sell things for a living. I also learned how to take rejection and get on with my life. I’m no longer in sales, but I am no longer afraid of sales people, either.

First prize is a Cadillac el Dorado, second prize is a set of steak knives, third prize is you're fired.
First prize is a Cadillac el Dorado, second prize is a set of steak knives, third prize is you’re fired.

Hang out with little kids

Cures: ennui, existential crises, lack of motivation

For reasons unknown, one year when I was maybe 13 I signed up to be a camp counselor at vacation bible school. I have a younger brother so I thought I was prepared for dealing with little kids, but being around a bunch of 6 year olds making macaroni art and making animal noises during the Noah’s Ark song was awesome. Except for snack time: when they want their juice and crackers, they want it now.

Little kids have a refreshingly simple outlook on life. Most of it occurs over their head, so unless there are cookies up there it’s not worth worrying about. As long as there are legs to hug, grass to roll in, and friends to chase everything is pretty amazing. And little kids are so excited to do things! Maybe it’s only for five minutes, but man what a five minutes!

Create something awful

Cures: Apathy

We live in an time where, thanks to technology, the barrier to entry for so many things is so very low. Don’t wait to go to film school, start shooting movies now with your cell phone. Don’t go to college and study theater, just make machinima with Minecraft. Teach yourself to code. Write horrible blog posts.

You don’t have to go to college. There are no gate-keepers holding you back. Go. Create. Express yourself. Of course it will be bad.

That’s the point.

You don’t get to good until you go through a lot of bad.

And get off my lawn

One of the best comments in the Reddit thread was “Teenagers’ problems are just adult problems without perspective.” I get it, kids are kids, and the point of being a teenager is to have these kinds of problems. I still wonder how many of our children are this way because we made it so.

We wanted our children to be “team players” and “achievers”, so we made them play half a dozen sports so they could achieve trophies and medals, but now they don’t know have to have unscheduled fun.

We’ve taken away or neutered rites of passage except going to college, and so many our children are obsessed with this one at a time where the average cost of a college education at an in-state public university is almost $20,000 for residents, despite the overwhelming evidence that the world needs welders and mechanics.

We’ve made it so our children cannot leave our sight without us, and we have given them cell phones so that when they do we’re never more than two swipes away. Somehow, we’re surprised when they’re so comfortable around us that they move back in and never leave.

As parents, we are conditioned to sign our kids up for classes: art classes and music classes and SAT prep classes ad nauseum because if there’s something you want to do, there’s a class you should take first.

Unless that something is “live your life”, because there’s no prep class for that.

Have any more recommendations for the teens of today? Leave a comment!