A few weeks ago I wrote about my new love, my kerosene heater. Since then, we’ve had a fairly cold few weeks, including the dumping of about 20 inches of snow on us in Maryland and I’ve kept up with the Kerosene heater usage. My initial hypothesis was that the more I used the heater, the more money I would save because the electric heat pump is so darn inefficient. So how did I do?
This is what I went back to school for. Money well spent, right honey?
Compared to the previous year, the story is interesting but ultimately not good. Ignore the dollar values and the size of the bars (A year ago I accidentally double-paid the bill the month before so we had an overage) and just look at the kWh usage and the average temperature.
The glass half-full view is that even though it was a colder period, we managed to keep our utilization relatively flat, so using the kerosene heater helped offset the electric cost. Conversely, I’ve spent about $60 on kerosene in this period, so the gains in efficiency were offset by the cost of the fuel. However, when the heater is on the temperature in the house sometimes gets up to 71 or 72 which we would never do without the heater.
The gains in belly-warming, however, were astronomical
So are kerosene heaters frugal? Without having a whole-house system that’s attached to a thermostat and automated, it’s too hard for a person to maintain the temperature and cycle the heat on and off appropriately. At this point, it’s closer to a luxury, like running a traditional fireplace.
Is it nice to have? We sit in the same room as the heater, so there’s the soft woosh of the fire and heat pouring off makes it nice and cozy. It’s reassuring to have a heat source that’s off the grid. The house gets much warmer than we’d keep it if we were electric-only.
My best argument in favor though is deeply irrational. When the nights are long and the days are short the caveman wants to huddle around a fire and paint pictures on the wall.
It has been a rough couple of weeks in the Nostrikethat household. As alluded to earlier, we had Pestilence visit us last week which necessitated a few days off. This week we had two brief days of semi-normalcy, and then the Snowpocalypse clusterFuuu of Doom “Whatever we’re calling this storm” storm has given the East Coast a big warm hug.
Now that song is stuck in your head. That is a catchy-ass song.
I may have also mentioned that my parenting style largely revolves around ignoring my children to the best of my ability. With all of us cooped up inside, it’s been hard to ignore. Still, I’m trying really hard not to be a whiny bitcperson about it. When life gives you snow, do snowy things!
I’ve gone for short walks in the snow!
Brr!
I’ve taken slightly pretentious artfully composed pictures of things!
Brr!
I have humorously posed our pet on the furniture!
Grr!
Now, I am going to be a whiny bitcperson.
To top it all off, there is An Official Holiday approaching.
So tonight, I dedicate this post to Mrs. Nostrikethat.
Roses are redViolets are blueI’m stuck in the houseAnd you are too
(HA-hah!)
Happy Valentine’s Day, my love.
Also, if I have to give our teenage babysitter a piggy-back ride (in a completely appropriate and non-sexual way of course) through the snow and to our house, we are going on our date Saturday.
Following up on the heels of my barely read moderately amusing post 5 New Parent Quote Gifts Unquote I thought I’d try my hand at doing something useful for once already like maybe take out the trash do I have to do everything around here? . So today I am going to focus on the actual most important person in any new baby situation, and that’s the new dad.
My facebook status from the day my most recent child was born. It was a trying day, but I made it through.
Dads, this is going to be tough. Fortunately, if there’s one thing we have experience with at Nostrikethat industries, it’s accidental reproduction how to survive the Shock and Awe from new parenthood.
Remember men, it’s not retail therapy if you’re doing it to Be Prepared.
1. Sound-Isolating Headphones
problem it solves: baby won’t stop crying
Nothing quite says “put a bullet in my brain” like your baby who won’t stop crying. Image via swistle.blogspot.com
There is going to be a time when you will be confronted with a very small human who will not stop crying.
They sound like small angry goats.
“B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-AAAAAAABB-B-B-B-B-B-B-B”
You change them, you feed them, you have wiggled their legs to get them to fart, and they’re still screaming. If you were thinking logically at this point, you would determine these are your options:
Put the child down in a safe place, like a closet crib, back away, shut the door, and listen to the screaming from somewhere else in your house
Exit your house
Might I suggest an alternative? A good pair of in-ear headphones will allow you listen to the soothing melodies of Bob Marley while holding your screaming bundle of joy, allowing you to ensure they don’t choke on their own hat while at the same time not going completely insane. This is a great opportunity for you to get some hero points and give your post-partum beloved a much needed mommy break.
Also works well on any car trip longer than 30 minutes, because we’re not allowed to unstrap children and hold them any more in the car.
2. Baby Backpack
problem it solves: Strollers are horrible
Take it from Legolas, you can’t mow down orcs while pushing a stroller
Women are deeply attached to their strollers. I think because, like minivans, they are an extension of their birth canals.
Now, I have nothing against the idea of strollers, I’m just saying they’re incompatible with important things, like fending off a Ninja attack. A good backpack has far more mobility, and as an added bonus will work your core muscles like nobody’s business.
I tried to find a good picture of a twin baby backpack, and this was what showed up. Best of luck, man!
3. Scottevest alpha jacket
Problem it solves: Diaper bags
“I’ve been strappin’ gatts / since you were cuddlin’ a cabbage patch” Now, unlike Dre, you don’t have to choose!
A diaper bag is really just another purse. And like your wife’s existing purse, you will never be able to find anything in it.
Unless you’re willing to feign incompetence and drop your baby on their head act utterly helpless, you are probably going to have to change diapers. Have your own kit, stuff it into the 35 different pockets in this bad boy, and enjoy hands free baby stuff toting. As an added bonus, the jacket is designed with concealed carry features, which I don’t really understand but sounds badass.
4. Roku media player
Problem it solves: you have no kids TV shows
Seriously, Greatest. Thing. Ever.
Technology is changing so fast, in the 10 years since I have started having kids I’ve gone from primarily VHS, to DVD, to ripped movies, to cloud everything. Whatever you do, you want to avoid having the kids handle anything resembling physical media, because your DVDs will last about 5 seconds before they get scratched. The only thing more infuriating than buying a Barney DVD is buying the SAME DAMN DVD again because it’s a favorite and it has been rendered inoperable. Cloud is where it’s at, and the Roku set top box is the best.
Now, we stream Netflix and it’s the kid’s only source for TV, which I am fine with because they don’t have to watch commercials. This isn’t a post about cord-cutting, but it’s totally viable with the Roku and maybe an over the air HD antenna for The Sports.
We had an Apple TV first, but the Roku really changed our life for two reasons:
1) It automatically plays the next episode in a season. A lot of the programs for the wee ones are 6-10 minutes long, and sometimes you just want to plunk the kid down in front of the tube and take a shower without being interrupted to put on the next show.
2) The Roku3 has a headphone port on the remote. Big deal, right? ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY. Unless you have a giant house, you will probably be somewhere in earshot of the TV, and without fail your child will fall in love with the most annoying TV show in the history of TV shows.
Especially this guy. WHINE MOAR YOU LITTLE TURD
Teaching your toddler to wear an inexpensive set of headphones will save your sanity. Before they’re toddlers, you can just kind of prop them up in front of some kind of Baby Einstein program which is essentially an acid trip committed to video and go have a quiet solitary poop all by yourself. Then when your wife gets back from her much needed “Not wearing spit” time you can be all like “Oh yeah honey no sweat, just me and the kid, dropping some NYC, having a great time” and she will be so relieved to not be wearing baby spit she will totally overlook the obvious drug references.
Just remember Dads, we are unique and special snowflakes, and sometimes to keep from melting we have to take extraordinary measures. Like Vegas. Vegas is excellent for snowflakes.
Shout out to my brother in law, who is having twin girls Real Soon Now.
No, Strike That 